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joyful suffering

by Bertie Koller

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1.
all people 05:13
stars hang crooked in the sky to remind us that all people lie on their backs or on their sides or face down swimming against the tide she came to me in a dream with nothing on nothing inbetween and we loved we loved we loved until we tore apart at the seams stars hang crooked in the sky to remind us that all people die on their backs or on their sides or face down swimming against the tide I held her in my heart my hands for as long as I could I can still feel her slip away like hourglass sand we fall without knowing where we will land she stripped the flesh right off of my bones exposed me to worlds I never had known and on a trail of kisses led me home where I could lie with a smile and die alone stars hang crooked in the sky to remind us that all people lie on their backs or on their sides or face down swimming against the tide
2.
rain falls on this winter gray come into focus before you fade away the sweet perfume of your wild bouquet lingers long to infuse this day with joyful suffering joyful suffering I lay awake asleep on the floor awaiting your emergence through the front door as you have a thousand times or more and as you will as you never have before in joyful suffering joyful suffering there is no retreat no road back no one to defeat in a frontal attack I am all that I am and I am all that I lack light pours in and out through the cracks in this joyful suffering joyful suffering rain falls freezes to the ground careless I slip and on my way down you catch me in laughter and love unbound and we roll and roll and roll around in this joyful suffering joyful suffering joyful suffering joyful suffering
3.
lost at sea 02:01
in the tangled light of this cold dawn the clothes you took off last night I watch you put back on and I watch you leave like a fading dream as I return return to sleep like a sailor returns to the sea like a sailor returns to the sea
4.
standing on the edge looking over and out oh it's beautiful at the end the stars in the sky twinkle farewell my friend all the things that I've done they are behind me now there's just one more thing for me to do to take that last step and finally fall into you and she walks like an angel my face pressed up against the glass yeah she walks just like an angel all the planets align as she moves past standing on the edge holding onto my breath that moment where all things collide my eyes open wide for the first and last time in my life how to let it all go I never did know but now it all becomes perfectly clear forgive everyone and all that we've done in the name of fear oh she walks like an angel my face pressed up against the glass yeah she walks just like an angel all the planets align as she moves past standing on the edge seeing everything at once all that was and is and could be time slips away into that crack between sky and sea this is the end where it all begins where the old unfolds into the new where I take that last step and finally fall into you oh she walks just like an angel my face pressed up against the glass yeah she walks just like an angel all the planets align as she moves past yeah all the planets align as she moves past
5.
she spends her days sleeping way up in the clouds I wouldn't try to wake her even if I were allowed she looks so peaceful like a book upon a shelf dreaming her life away as somebody else I'm tired of this feeling this weight upon my chest I lay myself beside her and try to get some rest but I always become distracted there are so many things to do but how I wish that I could spend my days sleeping in the clouds with you yes how I wish that I could spend my days sleeping in the clouds with you oh the days come 'round in circles and the nights come 'round the same there's a wilderness within my heart that I would never try to tame but I have to find some order some rhythm that I can dance to but how I wish that I could spend my days sleeping in the clouds with you yes how I wish that I could spend my days sleeping in the clouds with you sleeping in the clouds with you

credits

released January 1, 2024

voice, electric piano, synthesizer, electric organ, electric guitar
written, performed, and recorded by bertie koller 12july-25oct 2023
cover art by bertie koller

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Bertie Koller Whitefield, Maine

Bertie Koller draws his original songs forth from a place of observation, experience, & imagination. Influenced by the raw, straightforward approach of early American blues & folk music, as well as the gamut of past & contemporary songwriters & musicians, Bertie's songs are lyrical & rhythmic episodes of love, heartache, prophecy, reflection, the sun, moon, rivers, rain & so on. ... more

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